I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
