would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
