We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
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