so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
