i may or may not be watching the land before time
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
