There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
