since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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