Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
my nose is crying tears of wow.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
