so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
