i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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