she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
