I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Too much gin, very little bucket
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
