don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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