mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
