I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
