Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
