Your face is a jimmy john
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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