He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
