i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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