you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You ruined the universe
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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