My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
