I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
