butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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