i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
