when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
