At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
