I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
