dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
