He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
