Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You need a sexual gate keeper
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
