Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
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Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
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I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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