I think my vagina is haunted
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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