We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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