I will die if light touches me.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
