Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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