All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
