She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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