my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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