so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Who died my cat blue again?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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