I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
