I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
