Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
