Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize