btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
