i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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