this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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