hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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