It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
