We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
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The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
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Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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