Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
