And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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