I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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