I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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