I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
