I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
