I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's blow job season.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
