Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
