You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
